On being Bengali...

Now that  I have been a part of a Bengali family for more years than my existance as a Punjabi, I can narrate my journey. The initial reaction that I used to get from Bengalis after my marriage was - oh just wearing certain things and trying to speak the  language does not make you a bengali, we have such a rich cultural heritage, Punjabis are showy and have no cultural background, all they can do is dance to the loud beat of Bhangra, and eat chhole. We have various cuisines for special occasions and the delicacies are served one by one in order to enjoy each taste. You won't even be able to feed your husband shukto or chingdi maachh er malai curry if he wishes so. My love for taanter sari was also mocked- every cotton sari is not just taant, they have different names, this is dhonekhali, that is dhakai- what will you teach your children, they won't be able to communicate with the rest of the family, sing Rabindra   sangeet or read Sharatchandra. And the final stroke- You have to be a born Bengali to be able to do certain things! Whenever I meet a new Bengali family in the community they have to pass some comments to let me know that they are already aware of my origin. I have learned to laugh it away!

Now after 27 years, with the help of my family, I have been able to nullify all those charges. I can cook most Bengali dishes, speak , read and write the language fluently; have read many classics and soaked  my sensibilities in the depth of beautiful poetry while still enjoying my Punjabiyat. My daughter has grown up with all this and much more which has helped her to be a global citizen while firmly rooted in her heritage, where as all those who mocked, me tried hard all their lives to alienate themselves from their background unsuccessfully pretending to be more like what they are not. They are sceptic about settling down in their homeland. Their bangaliyana is sholo aana visible only during puja, competing with each other to be more and more culturally aware Bengali. They are nostalgic about the literature and music they have been fed with as kids but have failed to pass it on to their next generation. Isn't their own confused existence responsible for it?

I sometimes wonder if a culture can become demonic and engross humanity?

Does living in the enclosed walls of clannish fort and not breathing fresh  air makes one culturally rich? The hypocritical love for one's pedigree on one hand and secret wish to fly in the open sky knowing no bounds on the other can create complex personalities. To achieve the right balance between the two.....